My name is Anita and I got a physical last week and weighed in at 216
lbs. I am 45 years old, 5'0" and totally ashamed of myself. Thirteen
years ago I was a mother and wife who was conscious of how she looked. I
weighed in at 119 lbs., had great body structure, muscular without
looking beefed up and I was just plain HOT looking.
I have two adult children and after each birth bounced right back to
into shape. My problems began about 13 years ago with what were to me
severe family relationship issues. The kind of family problems that
reach deep into your heart and make you physically tired all of the
time. I found myself sleeping a lot and eating a lot of food as well as
sweets. I doubled my portion sizes and ate ice cream every single night
-- at least a pint.
About 8 years ago I was walking past the post office and saw a
reflection of myself in the glass and lost it right there on the street.
I couldn't believe what I had become, but I didn't have the strength to
do anything about it. I kept my friends far away from men mean years
went by before I let them back into my life because I was ashamed of how
I looked and no one had ever seen me like this. I didn't want to hear
those words: "ANITA, is that YOU"?
Finally in 2007 I realized that I had to let my family problems loose. I
just couldn't't continue like that so I lost 40 lbs. and went from a
size 16 to a size 10. Now, I was getting somewhere. I looked and felt
fabulous. Even when my mother died in May 2007 I didn't't allow that
terrible loss to push me off track. I continued in my efforts and by
January 2008 I was down 10 more lbs. and had dropped to a size 8.
So what happened to me? Well, that same month my then 15 year old son
jumped from our second floor window and ran away from home. He told my
husband and I that life with us was like a prison and he wanted his
freedom so that he could do what he wanted to do. My heart just
couldn'tt take that and I slowly became less active, started sleeping
again, and started eating junk food again and very large portions. In
the first two months I gained 10 lbs back and now here it is 2 years and
4 months later and I've gained every single pound back + some.
I have been praying a lot about my situation lately and I do know that I
am an attractive woman inside and outside. I am a dedicated mother,
wife, and such a loyal friend. I'm the kind of person that everybody
likes to be around no matter what I look like skinny, fat, or
in-between. I still have the ability to walk in a room and befriend and
bring so much life to the occasion. In my youth I could never admit any
of this because I just didn't't really know who I was. I'm not
complimenting myself out of conceit but because it's the truth. The
bottom line is that I have this affect on others but inside I'm so upset
with myself. I'm not miserable anymore I'm just upset about it.
So'..., today is the day that I made up my mind that I am going to make
lifelong sustainable changes in my life to be the best that I can be on
the outside. I am going to regain the Anita that I know and love to look
at. The Anita that goes into her closet and slips on that beautiful
white linen sheath dress with the side zipper and the size 8 tag on the
inside and say: Girl, you are smokin' today! I admitted that I have a
problem and can only fix it through strong mental power, prayer, and
work. Today I signed up for my first 5k walk. I figured that this is
something that I can do right away. Something that I can train for
immediately, something that is lifelong. I can do this and I will do
this. My first 5k is Friday, June 4th in Springfield, PA The
Running of the Monk and I'm looking forward to it. I'll keep you updated
with my progress.
All the best,